Address yourself in the third person

David Brooks’ book “How to Know a Person” had a ton of interesting insights in it, and I’ll be sharing more over the coming weeks. Most were simply interesting thoughts to help shape your views, but this one about how you address yourself inside of your head had a bit of actionable advice too.

From the book:

“About a quarter of all people hear the sounds of other people’s voices in their heads. About half of all people address themselves in the second person as “you” often or all the time. Some people use their own name when talking to themselves. By the way, the people who address themselves in the second or even the third person have less anxiety, give better speeches, complete tasks more efficiently, and communicate more effectively. If you’re able to self-distance in this way, you should.”

To be clear about what he’s saying:

• First person uses words like “I”.
• Second person uses words like “you”.
• Third person uses words like “he/she/it”.

I did some digging to see how accurate his idea was, and I found quite a bit of support for it.

From Psychology Today:

Using one’s name instead of “I” during moments of inner dialogue, research has found, can create useful psychological distance from the emotional intensity of the self, enabling one to avoid rumination and move forward with greater perspective, calm, and confidence.