Inverse charisma

The idea of having strong charisma is appealing, and it’s generally a good thing. I shared quite a bit about it from Vanessa Van Edward’s book “Cues”, including her main approach of “charisma is a balance of warmth and competence.”

However, sometimes the opposite can be valuable. Rather than seeking to be charismatic, you can seek to make those around you feel that way.

From “How to know a person” by David Brooks:

A biographer of the novelist E. M. Forster wrote, “To speak to him was to be seduced by an inverse charisma, a sense of being listened to with such intensity that you had to be your most honest, sharpest, and best self.” Imagine how good it would be to be that guy.

He followed it up with a similar story, which was also shared in the books “Multipliers” and “The Charisma Myth“:

Perhaps you know the story that is sometimes told of Jennie Jerome, who later became Winston Churchill’s mother. It’s said that when she was young, she dined with the British statesman William Gladstone and left thinking he was the cleverest person in England. Later she dined with Gladstone’s great rival, Benjamin Disraeli, and left that dinner thinking she was the cleverest person in England. It’s nice to be like Gladstone, but it’s better to be like Disraeli.

Of course, the idea of it is much easier than doing it. I encourage you to be aware of this idea in your conversations, and the book gives many great tips and ideas for helping make it happen.