Looping for understanding

Charles Duhigg’s book “ Supercommunicators “ had a ton of great insights in it, and I encourage you to pick up a copy. I have a handful of thoughts that I’ll be sharing over the coming weeks, but this was one of the most interesting to me.

So much of communication revolves around simply understanding what the other person is trying to say. Whether you agree with them or not, understanding their point of view is crucial. Duhigg unpacks the various types of discussions that two people might have with one another, but if you don’t understand their point of view, the conversation is in big trouble. His proposed solution is that you simply “loop for understanding”. In his words:

There’s a technique for this-looping for understanding. Here’s how it works: Ask questions, to make sure you understand what someone has said. Repeat back, in your own words, what you heard. Ask if you got it right. Continue until everyone agrees we understand.

Later, he unpacks it a bit further:

It’s a fairly simple technique-prove you are listening by asking the speaker questions, reflecting back what you just heard, and then seeking confirmation you understand-but studies show it is the single most effective technique for proving to someone that we want to hear them. It’s a formula sometimes called looping for understanding. The goal is not to repeat…